i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
