I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
