It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
