What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
