Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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