Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
