i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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