she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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