I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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