I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
