i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
