I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
