Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
