garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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