I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
