I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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