i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is Oprah even human
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
