I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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