he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
