The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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