Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I want a musical about memes.
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