My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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