I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
