C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize