Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
