i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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