I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
