i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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