My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
