I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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