i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
