the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
