Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
