Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
