I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
