He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize