You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
