Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
