he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
