People in love make me want to vomit
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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