I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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