i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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