the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
