every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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