giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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