This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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