i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
