Umm I'm too high to move.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize