Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
