Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can't put those talents on a resume
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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