I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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