I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well you can't waste a boner
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
