She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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