my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
