i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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