Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
