I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize