he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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