don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
