One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
