are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
