i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
