Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
